Petition to have Keanu Reeves cast as a live action Samurai Jack.
my brother is sitting in the chair in my room studying a practice test thing for his final test before he becomes a fully certified EMT tomorrow and he’s mumbling some of the questions out loud and he just went “a child has fallen from a monkey at school…” and he just got dead quiet and stared at the wall for like a solid minute with the most stricken look on his face before he whispered “there’s no protocol for monkeys”
bro
bro it means monkey bars
now he’s googling “child falls from monkey” and apparently the only thing that pops up is Fall Out Boy’s “Thnks Fr th Mmrs”
I M L AHUGNI N G SO H ARD HE WENT INTO THE KITCHEN LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO AND STARTED A CONVERSATION WITH MY MOM AND I HEARD HIM JUST STOP MID SENTENCE AND THEN SHOUT “FUCKING MONKEY BARS”
this was a post meant for like 6 people who actually know my brother and now this is the only image he has on this site he’s the “monkey protocol” guy for almost 100,000 people I give up
Safe, Fire, Full Auto
Custom AR-15 lower selector markings. Something for everyone I suppose. (GRH)
No
I would rather have “safe, unsafe, John Wick”
I dig the, “im your huckleberry”
You all are not – Safe
Y’all aren’t -Semi
Y’AIN’T – Full“Y’all either safe or Y’AINT”
Dudes dudes my buddies listen here.
If you like characters clad in fetish-y outfits because nostalgia/you like this sort of thing/you think it looks pretty, just… admit it ? You might think you’re looking better trying to justify weirdo designs that make no sense by using “lore” as a pretext, but really all you’re doing is looking like idiots and/or hypocrites.
Like, it happens, to like shitty things in fiction, or to like dumb things for possibly shitty reasons, it’s a human thing, and none of us is immune to the bad stuff we’re immersed in thanks to some societal shit.
Just… own up that, seriously what’s so hard about saying “haha yeah I like this design but I know it’s stupid” ? It makes you sound like an infinitely better person than arguing that the stupidity makes sense by flinging shitty and/or outdated “lore” like an angry monkey throwing shit around. Don’t be that guy. Nobody likes that guy.
I don’t entirely like the wording used, but I agree with the intended message. If you like something then you like something. Own it and enjoy it. You can still make up bullshit reasons for it in your setting for the fun of world building, but be honest with yourself and other people about why you built the world this way. You built it cause you wanted it that way and it makes you happy.
Primum Non Nocere
Swiftly, Yellow rose from where she’d been sitting beside the SS trooper, a hand idly generating a stasis field around the trooper’s body up until his neck.
She was fortunate enough to not have been harmed by the trooper while in the cell with him, but she knew prudence when it was needed. Still, she’d at least regrown his hand.
Yellow followed Wolf out of the cell, the stasis-secured trooper being brought along with her via kinesis.
“After I treated those I could and…neutralized…an assassin, I witnessed these Scorpion’s Hand troopers being brought out after interrogation sessions.” Yellow explained, before bringing the frozen trooper right beside her.
“Prior to this man’s imprisonment, he had been missing a nose and several fingers. I helped regrow them. Anna found this out, and locked me in with him.”
She gave the SS trooper a grateful look. “I am glad you had the sense to not attack me.”
“I only joined the SS out of necessity. It was the only way to actually survive….” The trooper said, “I’ve done a lot of horrible shit, and what you did for me, I don’t deserve. What those MPs did to me is what I deserve.”
Wolf remained silent the entire time. And when he spoke, there was sadness in his voice.
“I can’t do anything about it. The MPs are under my sister’s control, not mine. They answer only to her.” Wolf said, “And you think they’re interrogating them, Yellow? Oh, you are so blind…”
“Look, Yellow, the Military Police don’t interrogate SS. It’s revenge.” Wolf explained, “Many MPs have a history with the Brotherhood, who often had their version of the SS come in, and take those men and women’s families, and brutally torture them for no reason then their own sadistic joy. There’s a blood soaked history with the SS amongst the BEA.”
“And for that, I cannot entirely fault them.” Yellow softly replied with a shake of her head as well.
It seemed that the longer Wolf and the trooper were around Yellow, the more relaxed and calm they became. Whether it was due to her air of warmth and compassion or some other thing, it didn’t really matter.
As they neared the command building, Yellow glanced aside at Wolf. “Emperor…Wolf, when you said the MPs were most likely breeding Anna…what exactly did you mean by that?”
Wolf looked to the SS trooper, who gave him an awkward look right back.
“Well… Okay, before I say this, I’m just going to ask you not to tell the other admirals we even had this conversation, okay? If they find out, they will skin me alive.” Wolf said, “Especially Red. Particularly Red.”
Waiting for her affirmative, and upon getting it, he gave the answer.
“They’re fucking her… As in having sexual intercourse with her.” Wolf said, “And I can tell, she loves it. She loves her boys, and hey love her. That’s why we call her the Queen Bitch. She’s the Bitch that all the Hounds want.”
Yellow drew a sharp breath upon hearing what Anna and her MPs were up to. A flash of anger raced through her as she whispered sharply.
“That is corruption of the highest order, Wolf. How did you not prevent this abuse of power?”
Yellow’s hand tightened, reaching unconsciously for her collapsed Caduceus pistol.
“I will speak with her on this myself.” the blonde said surprisingly harshly.
Exhausted after several days of battle, the patched up Wolf found himself falling face first into the cleavage of a certain busty Admiral. “Sorry, Red…” He said, not even bothering to push himself off, moaning in pain. He was incredibly sore and tired.
“Wolf?!” Red(F) squeaked with surprise as she supported Wolf’s weight even as his face remained buried in her cleavage. She hurriedly brought him over to the couch, laying him on it. “Rest first, I’ll go get hypos…”
“Wait.. the GDI is sending military aid?” Wolf asked, “Well, this is new. I thought they had declared neutrality…”
“Just FYI, you do realize that could provoke a counterattack, and the Hand can tune their shields and shielding to deal with your weaponry and shields, yes?” Wolf asked, looking concerned, “Something I discovered in battle.”
He took her hand, and kissed her lips. It was a short but sweet kiss, showing he still loved her.
“I’ll rest up… and I’ll need to message Green to meet me in Hyrule.” Wolf said, getting up, and bowing to Red(F). Without another word, he left.
As it happened over the next few days, Fleet Admiral Green had indeed planned to take Second Fleet to engage the Scorpion’s Hand fleets. However, Wolf’s information had him reconsider.
Green met Wolf over at Hyrule, the severe-looking Fleet Admiral looking at him as he folded his arms behind his back. “Female Red told me about your information, Emperor. I’ve diverted most of Second Fleet to another system to await a unified Coalition armada.”
“Every member state’s sent a sizable portion of their own fleets. We haven’t seen a combined fleet this large since Coruscant. If those demons want to kill us all, I’d like to see them try.”
At a look from Wolf, Green only returned it with a cold emerald stare. “I’ll give it to you straight, Emperor. Nothing good ever seems to come out of these supernaturals, especially these demons. Coruscant taught me that. It taught us all. It’s us or them, and we can’t afford to lose.”
“The Scorpion’s Hand and the Hellfire Club are not to be underestimated, Admiral. I’m sure you realize that.” Wolf said with a nod, “Even with this force, they can still slip away. Demons have powers beyond what you know. They are the epitome of unpredictable. We didn’t expect the Hand to attack so quickly. Nor in such numbers. Its almost as if they expected us.”
Wolf looked around.
“We have to be very careful what we say. What you have told me could’ve been heard. Spies are everywhere. Admiral Yellow already had an assassin try to kill her.” Wolf said, “I’m not going to lie, but you may have endangered that fleet… or even Eden.”
Green, for his part, merely rolled his eyes. “Didn’t mention the system name, did I? Space is large enough that they’ll have to search for pebbles in an ocean to find just one of the member fleets.”
The iron-gazed male suddenly paused, then looked to Wolf again, this time much more coldly. “Either you’re a psychic or those demons can read minds. The Minerva system’s under attack. Scorpion’s Hand vessels are approaching the system, and the EDF along with Coalition battle groups is intercepting.”
Another pause, as Green seemed to receive live updates.
“Demonic readings detected, they’ve authorized full escalation. Local system-scale nullifier field raised and at full power. Sector alert level raised to Adorior, Fifth and Ninth Fleets responding, Battlegroup Omega inbound…”
Over at the edge of the Minerva system, the skirmish was still ongoing.
A reconnaissance flotilla had been sent ahead of the main battle fleets, along with a single nullifier-equipped vessel, under full stealth.
The combined Coalition battle groups and the Eden Defense Fleet spread out across the entry vector, forming what was known as the Absolute Line. They were to stop the Scorpion’s Hand fleets at all costs, not allowing any hostile ship through.
If even a single Scorpion’s Hand vessel reached Eden, despite the system nullifier field being up, everyone would die.
“If I were psychic, I wouldn’t openly broadcast my thoughts. Even then. Must’ve read yours. No matter.” Wolf said, “C’mon, allow me to show you the pride of the 1st Shock fleet.”
———————————–
The Scorpion’s Hand Fleet had formed a wedge formation, designed to smash through the defensive line in front of them. Lasers, ray guns, mass drivers, etc, were firing near nonstop as both sides fought for control. Fighters were dogfighting constantly, with many of the Coalition fighters having trouble with Vulture Droids.
“Sir! We’re detecting ships incoming, BEA signals!” A comms person yelled to the admiral in charge of the defence fleets, “They’re coming in with a Superdreadnaught!”
Within moments of that statement, several BEA ships, including the massive Wolfsbane-class Superdreadnaught and several Star Destroyers came out of hyperspace, blaring the Davy Jones theme music from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies as they opened fire on the enemy vessels with their mass driver cannons, turbolasers, ion cannons, concussion missiles, and the Wolfsbane’s superlaser.
————————————–
“Sir, our shields can’t hold against that Superdreadnaught.” An officer said to Captain Czar. The mechanical warlord sent his hand through the man’s skull, watching as the body dropped dead on the floor.
“It has been an honour, but today is not the day I die.” Czar hissed, summoning a portal, and disappearing just as the Wolfsbane’s superlaser smashed through the hull of the Titan-class Superdreadnaught Kronos’ Fury.
To seal the deal, the rest of the Scorpion’s Hand ships were obliterated when several Relay Gun shells fired all the way from Eden’s Orbital Ring impacted them.
Sharp flashes of light blossomed like fireworks as elements of the Initiative’s Fifth and Ninth Fleets dropped from FTL, using wide-area antiproton beams to further cleanse the area where the Scorpion’s Hand ships had been, until not even a speck of debris was left. Barely a second later, the feared Battlegroup Omega joined in the fray as they glided around the battle zone.
Coalition fighters returned for repairs, harrowed by the now-destroyed vulture droids. They’d had trouble indeed when holding off the fighters, but the droids would have been wiped out with ease if they’d entered the range of the various beam-based point defense systems every Coalition ship had.
The Vulcan in charge of the Eden Defense Fleet, Vice Admiral T’Deri, hailed the BEA forces. “This is Vice Admiral T’Deri to the BEA. We are grateful for your assistance, but remain vigilant. The Delphi Array is picking up signature remnants consistent with a recently-formed portal. Human sized. It is likely that the officer leading this hostile fleet has successfully escaped the destruction of his flagship.”
“I share your sentiment, Vice Admiral, and we’re picking up those readings as well.” Wolf said, turning to Admiral Green, “Czar escaped…. Damn it…”
Wolf walked out of the bridge, going towards his personal fighter. Getting inside, Wolf left Yumi.
“Admiral Green, I will rendezvous with you again in Hyrule. I have business in Eden, as well as a message to send to the Coalition’s High Council. We must reconvene together to plan the next move.” Wolf said, “If we don’t plan this next move… We may end up going blindly into a trap.”
————————————
As Wolf approached Eden, he sent a friend-or-foe code to the fleet surrounding the planet to confirm he was friendly. He sent the same code again down to the Planet’s security, getting the landing pad coordinates, and then making his way to the Admiralty, where he stood before the other Admirals.
“Captain Drake Czar was the one behind the attack.” Wolf said to the council, noting the stirs of discomfort upon the name’s mere utterance, “He escaped… Meaning he’s on the loose.”
“I suggest we reconvene the Coalition council, so as to plan our next move together. That way, we don’t blunder into a trap.” He said, “While we may have the nullifiers, that doesn’t mean we can just charge in. The very threat of demonic forces is something we need to deal with… But we can’t do that if we don’t plan.”
The Admiralty had grown uneasy upon Czar’s name being mentioned, though some of them also stiffened with concealed anger.
“Captain, or by now former Captain, Czar has been struck from all service records and is now marked as a traitor to the Initiative. He’s no longer a citizen of GDI, and since his defection we have put a kill-on-sight order on him.” Fleet Admiral Crystal said tightly.
Red(M)’s voice was low and deadly as he considered the events ahead. “We’ll convene the Coalition, yes. Officially, Wolf, this will be our position on these demons.”
He leaned forward, the rest of the Admiralty looking at him, then at Wolf. “Their complete and utter annihilation, or failing that emancipation, will be our utmost priority. The Scorpion’s Hand fall as well, but the threat of the demons comes first.”
Primum Non Nocere
Swiftly, Yellow rose from where she’d been sitting beside the SS trooper, a hand idly generating a stasis field around the trooper’s body up until his neck.
She was fortunate enough to not have been harmed by the trooper while in the cell with him, but she knew prudence when it was needed. Still, she’d at least regrown his hand.
Yellow followed Wolf out of the cell, the stasis-secured trooper being brought along with her via kinesis.
“After I treated those I could and…neutralized…an assassin, I witnessed these Scorpion’s Hand troopers being brought out after interrogation sessions.” Yellow explained, before bringing the frozen trooper right beside her.
“Prior to this man’s imprisonment, he had been missing a nose and several fingers. I helped regrow them. Anna found this out, and locked me in with him.”
She gave the SS trooper a grateful look. “I am glad you had the sense to not attack me.”
“I only joined the SS out of necessity. It was the only way to actually survive….” The trooper said, “I’ve done a lot of horrible shit, and what you did for me, I don’t deserve. What those MPs did to me is what I deserve.”
Wolf remained silent the entire time. And when he spoke, there was sadness in his voice.
“I can’t do anything about it. The MPs are under my sister’s control, not mine. They answer only to her.” Wolf said, “And you think they’re interrogating them, Yellow? Oh, you are so blind…”
“Look, Yellow, the Military Police don’t interrogate SS. It’s revenge.” Wolf explained, “Many MPs have a history with the Brotherhood, who often had their version of the SS come in, and take those men and women’s families, and brutally torture them for no reason then their own sadistic joy. There’s a blood soaked history with the SS amongst the BEA.”
“And for that, I cannot entirely fault them.” Yellow softly replied with a shake of her head as well.
It seemed that the longer Wolf and the trooper were around Yellow, the more relaxed and calm they became. Whether it was due to her air of warmth and compassion or some other thing, it didn’t really matter.
As they neared the command building, Yellow glanced aside at Wolf. “Emperor…Wolf, when you said the MPs were most likely breeding Anna…what exactly did you mean by that?”
Exhausted after several days of battle, the patched up Wolf found himself falling face first into the cleavage of a certain busty Admiral. “Sorry, Red…” He said, not even bothering to push himself off, moaning in pain. He was incredibly sore and tired.
“Wolf?!” Red(F) squeaked with surprise as she supported Wolf’s weight even as his face remained buried in her cleavage. She hurriedly brought him over to the couch, laying him on it. “Rest first, I’ll go get hypos…”
“Wait.. the GDI is sending military aid?” Wolf asked, “Well, this is new. I thought they had declared neutrality…”
“Just FYI, you do realize that could provoke a counterattack, and the Hand can tune their shields and shielding to deal with your weaponry and shields, yes?” Wolf asked, looking concerned, “Something I discovered in battle.”
He took her hand, and kissed her lips. It was a short but sweet kiss, showing he still loved her.
“I’ll rest up… and I’ll need to message Green to meet me in Hyrule.” Wolf said, getting up, and bowing to Red(F). Without another word, he left.
As it happened over the next few days, Fleet Admiral Green had indeed planned to take Second Fleet to engage the Scorpion’s Hand fleets. However, Wolf’s information had him reconsider.
Green met Wolf over at Hyrule, the severe-looking Fleet Admiral looking at him as he folded his arms behind his back. “Female Red told me about your information, Emperor. I’ve diverted most of Second Fleet to another system to await a unified Coalition armada.”
“Every member state’s sent a sizable portion of their own fleets. We haven’t seen a combined fleet this large since Coruscant. If those demons want to kill us all, I’d like to see them try.”
At a look from Wolf, Green only returned it with a cold emerald stare. “I’ll give it to you straight, Emperor. Nothing good ever seems to come out of these supernaturals, especially these demons. Coruscant taught me that. It taught us all. It’s us or them, and we can’t afford to lose.”
“The Scorpion’s Hand and the Hellfire Club are not to be underestimated, Admiral. I’m sure you realize that.” Wolf said with a nod, “Even with this force, they can still slip away. Demons have powers beyond what you know. They are the epitome of unpredictable. We didn’t expect the Hand to attack so quickly. Nor in such numbers. Its almost as if they expected us.”
Wolf looked around.
“We have to be very careful what we say. What you have told me could’ve been heard. Spies are everywhere. Admiral Yellow already had an assassin try to kill her.” Wolf said, “I’m not going to lie, but you may have endangered that fleet… or even Eden.”
Green, for his part, merely rolled his eyes. “Didn’t mention the system name, did I? Space is large enough that they’ll have to search for pebbles in an ocean to find just one of the member fleets.”
The iron-gazed male suddenly paused, then looked to Wolf again, this time much more coldly. “Either you’re a psychic or those demons can read minds. The Minerva system’s under attack. Scorpion’s Hand vessels are approaching the system, and the EDF along with Coalition battle groups is intercepting.”
Another pause, as Green seemed to receive live updates.
“Demonic readings detected, they’ve authorized full escalation. Local system-scale nullifier field raised and at full power. Sector alert level raised to Adorior, Fifth and Ninth Fleets responding, Battlegroup Omega inbound…”
Over at the edge of the Minerva system, the skirmish was still ongoing.
A reconnaissance flotilla had been sent ahead of the main battle fleets, along with a single nullifier-equipped vessel, under full stealth.
The combined Coalition battle groups and the Eden Defense Fleet spread out across the entry vector, forming what was known as the Absolute Line. They were to stop the Scorpion’s Hand fleets at all costs, not allowing any hostile ship through.
If even a single Scorpion’s Hand vessel reached Eden, despite the system nullifier field being up, everyone would die.
“If I were psychic, I wouldn’t openly broadcast my thoughts. Even then. Must’ve read yours. No matter.” Wolf said, “C’mon, allow me to show you the pride of the 1st Shock fleet.”
———————————–
The Scorpion’s Hand Fleet had formed a wedge formation, designed to smash through the defensive line in front of them. Lasers, ray guns, mass drivers, etc, were firing near nonstop as both sides fought for control. Fighters were dogfighting constantly, with many of the Coalition fighters having trouble with Vulture Droids.
“Sir! We’re detecting ships incoming, BEA signals!” A comms person yelled to the admiral in charge of the defence fleets, “They’re coming in with a Superdreadnaught!”
Within moments of that statement, several BEA ships, including the massive Wolfsbane-class Superdreadnaught and several Star Destroyers came out of hyperspace, blaring the Davy Jones theme music from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies as they opened fire on the enemy vessels with their mass driver cannons, turbolasers, ion cannons, concussion missiles, and the Wolfsbane’s superlaser.
————————————–
“Sir, our shields can’t hold against that Superdreadnaught.” An officer said to Captain Czar. The mechanical warlord sent his hand through the man’s skull, watching as the body dropped dead on the floor.
“It has been an honour, but today is not the day I die.” Czar hissed, summoning a portal, and disappearing just as the Wolfsbane’s superlaser smashed through the hull of the Titan-class Superdreadnaught Kronos’ Fury.
To seal the deal, the rest of the Scorpion’s Hand ships were obliterated when several Relay Gun shells fired all the way from Eden’s Orbital Ring impacted them.
Sharp flashes of light blossomed like fireworks as elements of the Initiative’s Fifth and Ninth Fleets dropped from FTL, using wide-area antiproton beams to further cleanse the area where the Scorpion’s Hand ships had been, until not even a speck of debris was left. Barely a second later, the feared Battlegroup Omega joined in the fray as they glided around the battle zone.
Coalition fighters returned for repairs, harrowed by the now-destroyed vulture droids. They’d had trouble indeed when holding off the fighters, but the droids would have been wiped out with ease if they’d entered the range of the various beam-based point defense systems every Coalition ship had.
The Vulcan in charge of the Eden Defense Fleet, Vice Admiral T’Deri, hailed the BEA forces. “This is Vice Admiral T’Deri to the BEA. We are grateful for your assistance, but remain vigilant. The Delphi Array is picking up signature remnants consistent with a recently-formed portal. Human sized. It is likely that the officer leading this hostile fleet has successfully escaped the destruction of his flagship.”
Initiative Archival Network 