Initiative Archival Network

saviorgoddessastrid:

fleet-admiral-red:

Lumi flushed with a grateful look. “Thank you, Ma’am. I really appreciate that.”

Well, there was nothing else for her to do except head back to the Minerva system. So Lumi headed back to the corvette she’d arrived in, with Astrid in tow.

Just as she was about to board the small vessel, Lumi looked to Astrid again. “Um…one thing before we head in, Ma’am. I’m glad you didn’t mention Wolf. He…”

Lumi gritted her teeth then, clenching a fist as she breathed in and out to steadily calm herself. A pat on her shoulder from Astrid certainly helped.

“I’m sorry, even mentioning him still…grinds my gears. Let’s get ready to meet with the Fleet Admiral, alright?” Lumi asked.

“It’s alright.  I can understand why you’d have some problems with him,” Astrid replied.  “I myself have had some problems with him too.  I just prefer to keep my issues to myself.  Now then, let’s get going.”  With that, Astrid got on board the corvette, ready to meet with the Admirals and help Lumi overcome that problem.

As far as starships went, the GDI corvette was certainly comfortable.

Only a third the size of an average Initiative frigate, the vessel spotted the same spotless white interior and grey floors, accented by the ice-blue glow of haptics and the soft hums of high technology.

Air-conditioned, too.

The ship’s AI, a chirpy female personality calling herself Angelica, greeted Astrid warmly as she took the corvette through liftoff and flight.

The journey between universes was hardly long, as the corvette proved to be quite fast despite its size.

Docking at Starbase One proved no trouble at all, as Lumi was expected by Red(M). Entering his office after security measures had cleared her and Astrid through, Lumi found Red(M) already sitting in his seat, the wide-spread haptic screens closed down for the moment.

If Astrid paid attention, she might have noticed Red(M)’s office had more than a passing resemblance to that of the Illusive Man’s.

Before Lumi could salute, Red(M) gestured. “At ease, Luminous Horizon. You’ve talked out your troubles?”

Lumi nodded slowly. “…yeah.”

Red(M) smiled. “That’s good,” he said gently before looking to Astrid very gratefully. “I can’t thank you enough, Astrid. You’ve managed to avert a potential disaster.”

“Sir, I…I just want to say…that…” Lumi broke out before taking a moment to calm herself, then speaking a bit more softly.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you all. It…was silly of me to keep throwing myself into suicide missions, hoping to die. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting all of you. And…I think I might need to take some time off. Rest and think about things.”

Red(M) walked over to Lumi, patting her head gently with a smile. “Finally taking some shore leave, huh? Don’t worry, none of us were ever angry at you. Leave’s already granted. Going to visit Coruscant, I guess?”

Lumi chuckled, a tear coming to her eye. “Mm. Yeah.”

saviorgoddessastrid:

fleet-admiral-red:

Lumi shifted uncomfortably, her face bearing a look of shame and regret.

“I…haven’t been on the best terms with some of the Fleet Admirals. I…I yelled at some of them at times. None of them ever got angry with me, but…I tend to just snap back into being distant when talking with them.”

The cruiser gave a small smile to Astrid.

“And…having you there will calm me down a lot. I’m sorry to have to ask this much from you, Ma’am.”

“I see,” Astrid replied.  “I’ll be sure to go with you then.  If it’ll help you stay calm, I’ll be happy to be there for you so you can talk things out with the Admirals.”

Astrid knew that this was a delicate situation, but she was happy to see that Lumi was already starting to feel a bit better.  Still, until things were sorted out with the Admiralty, there was work to be done.

Lumi flushed with a grateful look. “Thank you, Ma’am. I really appreciate that.”

Well, there was nothing else for her to do except head back to the Minerva system. So Lumi headed back to the corvette she’d arrived in, with Astrid in tow.

Just as she was about to board the small vessel, Lumi looked to Astrid again. “Um…one thing before we head in, Ma’am. I’m glad you didn’t mention Wolf. He…”

Lumi gritted her teeth then, clenching a fist as she breathed in and out to steadily calm herself. A pat on her shoulder from Astrid certainly helped.

“I’m sorry, even mentioning him still…grinds my gears. Let’s get ready to meet with the Fleet Admiral, alright?” Lumi asked.

saviorgoddessastrid:

fleet-admiral-red:

So infectious was Astrid’s smile that Lumi couldn’t help but smile back tearfully. “Alright.”

Taking a moment to dry her eyes, Lumi composed herself before giving a brief hug to Astrid. “Thank you, Ma’am. I think I needed this.”

Lumi’s face then flushed with embarrassment as she seemed to think of something.

“Also…can you accompany me when I meet with the Admiral later? Red, I mean. I-If it’s not too much to ask…”

Clearly the cruiser wasn’t used to asking others for help.

“Sure thing!” Astrid said.  “I’ll be happy to help ya out however I can! Though if I might ask, why do you need me to accompany you?”

Lumi shifted uncomfortably, her face bearing a look of shame and regret.

“I…haven’t been on the best terms with some of the Fleet Admirals. I…I yelled at some of them at times. None of them ever got angry with me, but…I tend to just snap back into being distant when talking with them.”

The cruiser gave a small smile to Astrid.

“And…having you there will calm me down a lot. I’m sorry to have to ask this much from you, Ma’am.”

saviorgoddessastrid:

fleet-admiral-red:

There was silence as Lumi considered her words.

Battlegroup Jericho was gone, there was no denying it. Yet her still-sleeping comrades in whatever spiritual limbo held her kind still…dreamed, in a way.

If they came back now, as she had, and saw what she’d done to herself over the years…Lumi wasn’t sure if she could face them like that.

Astrid’s words about living her new life to the fullest struck a pang of guilt in her. Lumi hadn’t realized until then that she’d never really took much time to relax, always going on another mission whenever possible.

It was going to be difficult, truly taking a break. According to her logs, she’d accumulated a collective 2 and a half years worth of shore leave over the entire decade she’d been serving as a shipgirl. None of it taken.

Perhaps it was finally time she did. Lumi wiped her eyes with a free hand, swallowing as she looked to the goddess. Her hug did feel quite comfortable, admittedly.

“I’ll…I’ll try my best, Ma’am.”

“Good on ya,” Astrid said, putting on a warm smile.  “I realize it won’t be easy for ya, but I’m sure that you can manage it.  There’s a lot out there, and I’m sure you’ll find something worth looking at!”

So infectious was Astrid’s smile that Lumi couldn’t help but smile back tearfully. “Alright.”

Taking a moment to dry her eyes, Lumi composed herself before giving a brief hug to Astrid. “Thank you, Ma’am. I think I needed this.”

Lumi’s face then flushed with embarrassment as she seemed to think of something.

“Also…can you accompany me when I meet with the Admiral later? Red, I mean. I-If it’s not too much to ask…”

Clearly the cruiser wasn’t used to asking others for help.

saviorgoddessastrid:

fleet-admiral-red:

“But then…then what else is there for me?” Lumi asked weakly, her throat feeling raw from the weeping she’d had.

It wasn’t like she’d never sought help, although those attempts hadn’t gotten far. Lumi met Astrid’s eyes shamefully, unsure of what else to ask.

“Ma’am…I don’t know if I deserve anything like that. I’m the only one from Jericho who’s returned. Surely that’s a sign of something.”

Lumi took a shaky breath, quietly grateful that Astrid had hugged her.

“Of course it’s a sign,” Astrid replied.  “It’s a sign that you’re supposed to live, and continue onwards.  I’m sure your comrades within Jericho wouldn’t want to see you destroy yourself out of despair.

“And there’s plenty for you out there.  You’re a person now, and you can live a life that you couldn’t possibly have had before.  You can meet people, make friends, spend time with everyone, learn more about the world than you could’ve before…there’s so much out there for you, and it’s all within your grasp.

“You aren’t just a weapon.  Your life is not defined by your origins.  You are a person, and what you are is what you choose to make yourself.  And lemme tell ya, I think you’re better off not destroying yourself and trying to enjoy life.”

There was silence as Lumi considered her words.

Battlegroup Jericho was gone, there was no denying it. Yet her still-sleeping comrades in whatever spiritual limbo held her kind still…dreamed, in a way.

If they came back now, as she had, and saw what she’d done to herself over the years…Lumi wasn’t sure if she could face them like that.

Astrid’s words about living her new life to the fullest struck a pang of guilt in her. Lumi hadn’t realized until then that she’d never really took much time to relax, always going on another mission whenever possible.

It was going to be difficult, truly taking a break. According to her logs, she’d accumulated a collective 2 and a half years worth of shore leave over the entire decade she’d been serving as a shipgirl. None of it taken.

Perhaps it was finally time she did. Lumi wiped her eyes with a free hand, swallowing as she looked to the goddess. Her hug did feel quite comfortable, admittedly.

“I’ll…I’ll try my best, Ma’am.”

saviorgoddessastrid:

fleet-admiral-red:

The cruiser hugged Astrid back, continuing to weep in her arms.

A single thought could be sensed in the back of Lumi’s mind, one that she’d constantly had for a decade ever since she’d returned as a shipgirl.

The thought of redeeming herself in battle through nothing less than a suicidal FTL charge. In her own eyes, she had nothing to truly live for.

It was then that a rustling sound came from somewhere in Lumi’s uniform, and a strangely tiny, seemingly chibi-fied man emerged from the uniform’s right pocket.

Anyone who dealt with shipgirls knew that this was one of their ‘fairies’, the mysterious beings that more or less were the ship’s crew in adorable form.

The fairy wore a fun-size version of a GDI captain’s uniform, the being giving a salute to Astrid and then a tiny pat on the crying Lumi. “Hey.”

The fairy then turned to Astrid again. “Hey. Hey hey hey. Hey.”

Despite only speaking in ‘hey’s, somehow one’s subconscious was able to pick up on the intended words, even if the ears only heard the heys.

What Lumi’s fairy told Astrid was saddening, even as a few more fairies emerged to hear the captain relate this information.

Ever since her return and learning of what happened after she’d been destroyed years ago, Lumi had gone on many solo missions against hostile forces without much rest.

It had gotten to the point where she would return critically damaged and nearing the brink of collapse due to exhaustion. Lumi would take only a few hours of rest and repair before heading out again on the next mission. And again, and again.

After more than one covert report from the collective Initiative shipgirls, the Admiralty finally had to confine Lumi to Zephyr Station for the sake of her safety. She’d refused to officially see therapists as well, speaking on the matter only rarely with her few friends and making many inflammatory remarks about the (at the time, presumed dead) Bouzac Emperor Wolf.

The captain fairy finished his explanation with another ‘Hey’ before joining his fellow fairy crew on the floor beside Astrid. Lumi had slowed down her weeping as well, feeling very emotionally drained.

Astrid nodded to the fairy, having picked up on this.  “Lumi…please stop trying to get yourself killed,” Astrid requested, putting her hand beneath Lumi’s chin and looking her in the eyes.  “It’s not going to make things better.  Redemption can come in many forms, not just suicide.  I should know, I’m a goddess.

“Your death won’t change what happened, and your friends will only feel worse at seeing this.  There’s much more to live for, I assure you.  I’m positive that we can find a way to help you that doesn’t involve your death.”

“But then…then what else is there for me?” Lumi asked weakly, her throat feeling raw from the weeping she’d had.

It wasn’t like she’d never sought help, although those attempts hadn’t gotten far. Lumi met Astrid’s eyes shamefully, unsure of what else to ask.

“Ma’am…I don’t know if I deserve anything like that. I’m the only one from Jericho who’s returned. Surely that’s a sign of something.”

Lumi took a shaky breath, quietly grateful that Astrid had hugged her.

saviorgoddessastrid:

fleet-admiral-red:

Despite Astrid’s words, Lumi still burned with rage and self-hatred. Not that she had ignored those words, though. Tears of anger were brimming as the shipgirl smashed a fist into the chamber floor, leaving a tiny crater.

“My crew and I…we should have done more. I swore an oath!” Again, another rage-driven punch. Into the same spot, no less.

“What good am I if I failed my duty?!” Lumi screamed, her tears now flowing freely as she fell to her knees and wept.

Astrid decided to move in and hug Lumi.  “Lumi, you did everything you could,” she mentioned.  “You can’t expect to pull out a victory every time against impossible odds.  Considering the odds you were dealing with, you did a great job.

“Failing to protect everyone in the face of impossible odds doesn’t mean you are useless.  Anyone would fail in those odds.  I doubt that I could’ve done much better to win, and I’m God.  Don’t act like you’re a miserable person because of this.  You did the best you could, and that’s all anyone can ask of you.”

The cruiser hugged Astrid back, continuing to weep in her arms.

A single thought could be sensed in the back of Lumi’s mind, one that she’d constantly had for a decade ever since she’d returned as a shipgirl.

The thought of redeeming herself in battle through nothing less than a suicidal FTL charge. In her own eyes, she had nothing to truly live for.

It was then that a rustling sound came from somewhere in Lumi’s uniform, and a strangely tiny, seemingly chibi-fied man emerged from the uniform’s right pocket.

Anyone who dealt with shipgirls knew that this was one of their ‘fairies’, the mysterious beings that more or less were the ship’s crew in adorable form.

The fairy wore a fun-size version of a GDI captain’s uniform, the being giving a salute to Astrid and then a tiny pat on the crying Lumi. “Hey.”

The fairy then turned to Astrid again. “Hey. Hey hey hey. Hey.”

Despite only speaking in ‘hey’s, somehow one’s subconscious was able to pick up on the intended words, even if the ears only heard the heys.

What Lumi’s fairy told Astrid was saddening, even as a few more fairies emerged to hear the captain relate this information.

Ever since her return and learning of what happened after she’d been destroyed years ago, Lumi had gone on many solo missions against hostile forces without much rest.

It had gotten to the point where she would return critically damaged and nearing the brink of collapse due to exhaustion. Lumi would take only a few hours of rest and repair before heading out again on the next mission. And again, and again.

After more than one covert report from the collective Initiative shipgirls, the Admiralty finally had to confine Lumi to Zephyr Station for the sake of her safety. She’d refused to officially see therapists as well, speaking on the matter only rarely with her few friends and making many inflammatory remarks about the (at the time, presumed dead) Bouzac Emperor Wolf.

The captain fairy finished his explanation with another ‘Hey’ before joining his fellow fairy crew on the floor beside Astrid. Lumi had slowed down her weeping as well, feeling very emotionally drained.